The Beginning

To record my thoughts and experience as a mom-to-be (and mom eventually), I've decided to created this new page within our FatChickenMeal site.

We're now at our final stretch, but let's go back to the beginning - when it was still a "secret".  🙊

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a mom one day in my life. I had a long, if not endless, list of concerns and worries. Like...what if I wouldn't be healthy enough to raise the baby? What if Nils finally finds someone who truly deserves him and that he would leave us? What if the baby is not healthy or has some sort of birth defects? What if we suddenly need to move away (leaving Singapore for good)? What if we would no longer have stable income? What ifs x 1000000000000...

Also, considering how much I love to travel, read, sleep, bake, have "me time", and spend time with Nils alone, I wasn't sure if I wanted to give that all up. In fact, I was quite certain I wouldn't want to give up my life and the things that I love or enjoy...Seemed too much of a sacrifice...Just thinking about losing all those made me have panic attacks. 😵 (The truth is, several times I cried hysterically just by thinking about that!)

When all of the above combines with weight gain and stretch marks...Well you get the idea!! Not that I had a great body shape...but still I didn't want to be fat and saggy 😑 Funny how I worried about stretch marks...because I already have them on my butt due to rapid weight loss back in 2007 summer...😑

So, up until the home pregnancy test showing a bold "➕" sign on the 25th of October 2016, I was skeptical about the whole "building a family" thing - which I made no effort in hiding it. Note though, it's a planned and conscious decision made by both of us...just that it happened sooner than we'd expected. I was still reading chapter 3 of 'What to expect before you're expecting'!! 😂

What was amazing was that I had this gut feeling about being pregnant before one would normally even notice...and went to the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test to confirm. I was surprised that I was right. 😅

Was that the moment my mother instincts began to sprout?? Maybe. I was so overwhelmed by my zillion fears accumulated in the past 30 years 😖plus the excitement of knowing that there's a life growing inside me 🤗. It was a magical and confusing moment! 

However overwhelming that moment was, I didn't scream or jump or cry. It took me over 36 hours to calm down a little bit and subtlely announced it to the papa-to-be. He was very excited and his eyes were beaming with joy - that gave me quite a bit of assurance. 

Since then, the maternity chapter has officially begun! 😊